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Fortress at Masada November 13, 2009

Posted by Jeff Block in News, Politics and Culture, Philosophy and Religion, Travel.
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Masada

For the most part, I was fairly disinterested in parts of our tour that were not directly related to the life and teaching of Jesus or at least other Biblical events. Although general history interests me, my focus in Israel was on the life of Christ, not on wars or nation boundaries or earthly kingdoms. Our tour of Masada was probably my favorite thing on the trip that didn’t fall under the heading “Life and Times of Jesus Christ”, and certainly would have been one of my brother Mike’s favorite parts of the trip.

What is Masada?

Masada is a fairly large plateau – about 1,800 ft by 900 ft on top – in the valley between two mountain ranges overlooking the Dead Sea. The plateau is 1,400 ft tall on the east side overlooking the Dead Sea. The valley in which it sits was evidently formed when part of the tectonic plate supporting this whole region of the earth suddenly collapsed downward, creating a large valley with mountain ridges on either side. The Dead Sea is in this valley, 1385 ft below sea level. There are a number of results of these bizarre conditions, including a lot of details about the Dead Sea that I’ll share in my post about it later. But another interesting fact is that it pretty much never rains there. This is because the temperature and pressure don’t permit moisture in the air to condense into precipitation between the mountain ridges over this area; hence, desert and the saltiest body of water in the world (33.7% salinity). On all sides of the Masada plateau are natural defenses – other mountain ridges, the sea, great expanses of desert, etc – making it an obvious place to built a fortress … and build they did.

The Fortress at Masada was built by Herod the Great (as were many of the places and things Jesus would have been and seen when He walked these lands) about 35 years before Jesus was born. He basically converted the top of this large plateau into a state of the art Roman fortress, complete with luxurious palace, two bath houses, lots of food and water, and all the other amenities the super rich of the time could have hoped for. He built giant storehouses and created an ingenious water storage system. Masada was not only highly defensible, but the reserves of food and water that could be kept there made it the ideal place to hold out against a siege. It reminded me of Helm’s Deep, from the Lord of the Rings.

We visited Masada as our first stop on Friday, 11/13. There is a national park there now. We rode a gondola up to the top of the plateau to a modern station of sorts built on the western rock face. From the gondola, you could easily see the winding path leading up the side of the mountain to the top which the ancient Jews would have taken to go up and down the mountain. It would have taken an hour or two to make the climb, I’d think. Of course, an invading force would have to come up this path one or two at a time, being wailed on by arrows and anything else the defenders on top of the fortress could throw at them. Needless to say, that would have been a failing proposition. And I was certainly glad that we as tourists didn’t have to hike our way up that mountain.

Once on the top of the plateau, we toured the massive storehouses, the living quarters, the general assembly rooms, the Roman bath house, and the post office. I took a picture of the post office for my dad (who carried mail for decades). This is me standing in the post office. The incroppings in the wall behind me are where they kept the postal pigeons used to deliver messages to Herod’s other strongholds at Jerusalem, Caesarea, or wherever else.

The bath house, called a Thermae, was amazing. It consisted of three separate chambers – the Frigiderium, the Tepidarium, and the Caldarium. The Frigiderium was cold, containing cold baths. The Tepidarium was simply a moderately-temporate transitional room between cold and hot rooms. The Caldarium was the hot bath room. To get it heated to temperatures of even 120-150 degrees F, fires would be built outside the bath house and hot air pumped into the Caldarium. But not just into the room. The floor was raised, and the walls were hollow. Slaves would use billows to pump air into the walls and sub-floor while Roman citizens bathed. Large three-tier water boilers called miliarium were used to heat the water for the actual baths in the Caldarium.

Herod’s palace was built on the side of the mountain. Only ruins remain today, of course, and we were unable to go down there. But they was evidently quite the posh digs in his day, even containing a secondary private bath house. Herod definitely lived the rough life.

Herod's palace at Masada

One of the most fascinating aspects of the fortress at Masada for me was how Herod stored so much drinking water. They were in the middle of the desert, yet he had enough supplies to last for months in a siege, not to mention the luxury of roman baths and a fully-stocked palace. The key was in the annual big rains over the mountains to the east. There are several Wadi over the mountain range which are dry all year long, but once a year during the rainy season, a tsunami-like flood of water pours over the mountains (the tops of which are just about at sea level, remember), filling these Wadi river beds to overflowing. When he built the Fortress at Masada, Herod built a set of large cavernous cisterns into the mountain, and an intricate system of waterways connecting the Wadi with the cisterns. So, when the waters would roar up over the mountains once a year, the manmade waterways would catch as much of the water as possible, and channel it into the mountain, filling Herod’s many cisterns. This massive supply of water was enough to provide “clean” (by their standards) drinking water for the entire year until the next rainy season. Quite ingenious. Here’s a picture that shows the water paths and the openings to the cisterns in the mountain. Click on the picture to expand it. On the expanded picture, I’ve circled a few of the openings for the cisterns, and added arrows pointing to the aqueducts Herod built to connect the cisterns to the Wadi in the eastern mountains.

Masada Water Storage

What happened at Masada?

The Jews were constant trouble for the Romans before, during and after the time of Christ. In 70 AD, the Romans finally got fed up and razed Jerusalem (and the 2nd temple) to the ground. This time it was pretty much all out war – the First Jewish-Roman War – and resulted in the destruction of much of Israel at the hands of the Romans, including many of the wonders that Herod the Great had built. A number of Jewish zealots, led by the Sicarius, subsequently fled Jerusalem and took refuge at Masada.

In 72 AD, the Roman governor Lucius Flavius Silva marched against Masada with the Roman legion and laid siege to the fortress. They set up camps (the ruins of which are still visible at the foot of the plateau), and settled in for a siege which would last for months. After several failed attempts to breach the wall with catapults and troops from the floor of the valley, the Romans finally built a circumvallation wall and then a rampart against the western face of the plateau, using thousands of tons of stones and beaten earth to build a ramp hundreds of feet up the side of the plateau. It’s widely thought that Sliva used Jewish slaves to build the rampart to attack their own people, which adds a level of irony to the story.

Once the ramp was in place, Silva eventually was able to breach the fortress. However, having ensured victory, he waited one more night for the final invasion. That night, the leader of the rebels, Eleazar ben Ya’ir, gave a rousing speech about freedom and nobility, which I was privileged to read to the other folks on the green bus with me while visiting Masada. Having been inspired by his speech, the rebels in Masada piled all their provisions in the middle of the courtyard, executed their families, and killed themselves as a final defiant demonstration to the Romans that they would rather die free than live as slaves. Two women hid with their five children in one of the cisterns, and were therefore the only survivors of the mass suicide. They relaid ben Ya’ir’s speech to the Romans after Silva invaded and are primarily the reason – along with Josephus Flavius, a well-red historian of the day – we know so much about what happened at Masada.

What did I learn at Masada?

MasadaWell, the first thing I learned is that a couple hundred rebels hauled up in a fortress (no matter how nifty) are pretty much no match for the Roman army.

I also learned that Jesus’ day wasn’t all that terribly different from the times in which we live. As the Romans did, we enjoy great prosperity and peace. We have traditionally felt fairly invincible. I know I have. Even when the economy is “slow” or we feel the uncertainty and anxiety of unemployment and deflated stock portfolios, we are still rich. These things are just hiccups for the majority of us. Even the poorest among us are kings by the standards of history and juxtaposed against the backdrop of the vast majority of the rest of the world.

We probably aren’t that different from the Romans of Jesus’ day. When Jesus comes among us, will we hear Him?

Another thing I couldn’t help but think about while standing on top of Masada is what I would do if my world was threatened. If the Hunns were invading from the north, would I haul up in a fortress in the dessert, shake my fist over the wall, and ultimately kill myself rather than become a slave? Would I charge out into battle like Aragorn and Theoden, shouting “Now for wrath, now for ruin, and the redeye dawn”? Would I be brave or filled with fear? Or both? Would I do anything? Would I act? Or, would I just sit in judgment over the “enemy” until the invading soldiers arrived at my door long after it was too late?

I guess for me it’s a question of what world is threatened. The older I get, the less concerned I am with America. I know that sounds horrible, but it’s true. This is just another country. It’s the best country in the world, and has been for hundreds of years. But those who hate it (whether they admit or realize it or not isn’t the issue) are destroying it, and we’ve long past the point of no return. The best days of America are behind it. The “equality” and “justice” and all that crap everybody talks about these days aren’t really equality or justice at all, they’re weakness, laziness, and dependence for some, and codewords for “takeover” for others. I could spend every cent I have and every hour of every day fighting for something that’s already gone. So, in that sense, I have not taken up arms against the invading Hunns. I guess, from the perspective of nationalism, I’ll just be sitting in judgment of the enemy until they ride right into town and take what I have.

OR … we could be talking about the Kingdom of God. The home God has built for me in heaven is increasingly where my heart is. My residence is not here, but there. As a stranger, an alien in this land, I am loath to take up arms to defend it. But as a citizen of heaven, I should be heeding a different call. There really is another world, and as Christians we really are part of it. God has called us to this other place to think and act and live differently. Here, a battle also rages, for the hearts and souls of men. My neighbors, coworkers, and friends are under assault by the enemy, and if I really cared for them and for God, I would rush to their defense long before I worried about running for political office or fighting to change the public school system.

I have for so many years had my priorities all screwed up. I worried about bank accounts and elections when I should have been worried about church and the gospel. Masada brought that back to me. First, God reminded me to pick my battles. Second, God called me to actually fight. No more sitting around being glad I’m on the right team. A battle is raging, and there is no neutrality for those who have eyes to see.

Third Temple Golden Menorah November 12, 2009

Posted by Jeff Block in News, Politics and Culture, Travel.
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Golden Menora

Among the many fascinating things we saw in Jerusalem was a replica of a the 3 cubit (4.5 feet) tall solid gold menorah that was originally present in Solomon’s temple. The Temple Institute is an organization who is preparing to build a third temple in Jerusalem. Part of that preparation is assembling the gold necessary to recreate this huge menorah. I read in one place that they are working on collecting 60kg (130 lbs) of 24k gold, which would result in a somewhat hollow 5 ft menorah rather than a solid gold one, but I think they’d be okay with that. At any rate, it was fascinating both to see this replica and get an idea of the scale of Solomon’s wealth, as well as to think about how serious some are about personally participating in ushering in the end times.

Antonia’s Fortress November 12, 2009

Posted by Jeff Block in Bible Stories, Engineering, News, Politics and Culture, Travel.
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Antonia's Fortress

Antonia’s fortress was built by Herod the Great in 34 BC, as part of his fairly significant expansion of the temple and the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. Situated on the northwest corner of the expanded temple mount esplanade, the fortress later became the headquarters of Pontius Pilate. Pilate is of course the Roman Prefect (Governor of the Roman province of Judea) who tried Jesus and ultimately approved His crucifixion. (See Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19)

By the way, I’ve always been a little confused at who all these Roman officials were in Jesus’ day and life. Let me take a quick second to try to clear up my own confusion, and perhaps you’ll find it beneficial as well. Rome made the region we now know as the State of Israel a province in 63 BC, following the Third Mithridatic War. After the war ended General Pompeius Magnus (also known as Pompey the Great) remained to secure the area. Subsequently, Herod the Great was installed as a “client king” over the region, called the Judaea Province. A client kingdom is a “term used to describe the subordination of one state to a more powerful state in international affairs” (Wikipedia). We might also call this a satellite, puppet, or vassal state. In Jesus’ day, this was called the Herodian Kingdom.

So, Pompey conquered the region in 63 BC. Herod the Great became king of Israel under Roman rule in 37 or 36 BC (there’s some dispute), and ruled until 4 BC when he died, ostensibly of natural causes. And here’s an interesting (read: sick) tidbit…

From the Wikipedia: Josephus Flavius (a prominent secular historian) records that Herod was so concerned that no one would mourn his death, that he commanded a large group of distinguished men to come to Jericho, and he gave order that they should be killed at the time of his death so that the displays of grief that he craved would take place. Fortunately for them, Herod’s son Archilaus and sister Salome did not carry out this wish. Wild!

Anyway, Pompey conquers in 63 BC. Herod the Great rules from 37ish BC to 4 BC, establishing the Herodian Dynasty. When he died, the kingdom was divided among his three sons:

  • Herod Archelaus received the largest part of the kingdom of Judaea including Jerusalem and the bulk of what we currently know as the State of Israel. He also retained the title of “king”. His only real reference in scripture is in the dream Joseph had in Matthew 2, in which an angel warned him to take Mary and Jesus and flee to Egypt because Herod (the Great) was going to have all the children killed. Joseph ultimately returned to Galilee instead of Judaea to avoid Herod Archelaus, who was known to be as ruthless as his father.
  • Herod Antipas became the Tetrarch of Galilee and a small slice of the territory beyond the Jordan River. This is the “Herod” we read about throughout the gospels in connection with Jesus’ life and death.
  • Herod Philip II because the Tetrarch of much of what we now know as Jordan. This is the Philip who built Caesarea Philippi, and whose wife Salome so delighted Herod Antipas with her dancing (and whatever else) that he had John the Baptist killed in Matthew 14.

Here’s a map of the region from Wikipedia:

Herod's Judaean Kingtom

Herod the Great was king. His sons became Tetrarchs, which were like joint-lesser-kings. And Pilate was a Prefect or Governor for Rome in Judaea. Governors were responsible for taxation and financial management, they were the province’s chief judge, and they commanded the military forces within the province. In the Roman world, there two primary types of provinces:

  • Imperial, over which the Emporer ruled directly
  • Senatorial, over which the Roman Senate appointed governors

There were also equestrian provinces, which were “smaller, but potentially difficult provinces” (Wikipedia) that required special attention. These were typically newly-conquered provinces or places where the natives were particularly restless. Judaea was one of these provices. According to legend, Pontius Pilate was a particularly cruel, intractible man, so it makes sense that the Emporer or the local King (Herod) would appoint him over the Jews, because they were routinely rebelling and causing all manner of trouble for Rome.

So, it’s into this environment that Jesus was brought before Pilate in the fortress we explored today. Of course, that ancient building was completely gone, replaced by busy markets in the Muslim quarter. But we were able to go down under the city into what I would call “catacombs”. These were the foundations of the original Antonio’s fortress.

The foundations were the classic Roman arch architecture, which was used throughout Herod the Great’s design of the expanded temple mount esplanade. The arch was designed according to the fundamental principle of “compressive stresses”, which made it extremely strong, even when supporting extreme weight. In fact, our tour guide went out of his way more than once to talk about how these arches got stronger the more weight you put on top of them. I’ll have to research that more; maybe my phsycist brother will shed some light for us.

Anyway, we saw the arches that formed the foundation of the fortress, and the huge storerooms and cisterns which resulted. Some was original, some wasn’t. We even saw an etching in the concrete that was an ancient Roman game, I think called “Four Kings”. This is thought to possibly the game the soldiers were playing when they “cast lots for Jesus’ clothes” in John 19, for example.

The Muslim Quarter and Jerusalem Markets November 12, 2009

Posted by Jeff Block in News, Politics and Culture, Travel.
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Shopping

Our tour today briefly took us through the Muslim quarter in the old city, as we walked from the Temple Mount esplanade (near the eastern gate), past the pool of Bethesda, to Antonia’s fortress, and briefly down part of the Via Dolorosa.

I wanted to share a couple marked differences between the Muslim quarter and the Jewish and Christian quarters. I know some of this isn’t politically incorrect to say, but the facts are…

  1. The Muslim quarter was dirty. Garbage laid everywhere. Totally different from the other places I saw in the city. It was clear that there was far less value placed on cleaning up after oneself than in other cultures. Sorry, just tellin’ you what I saw.
  2. It was really crowded, though this doesn’t set it apart from other areas. Like in many of the Jewish streets we walked down, I was constantly bombarded by some guy wanting to sell me something “for two dolla”. We mocked later (probably wrongfully), saying “I’ll give you 2 goats for … something” … a set of pictures on Facebook, maybe. “I make you special deal, my friend.” I don’t know how many times I heard that I was getting a special deal just for me – as was the guy behind me, of course.
  3. I felt relatively safe. Truthfully, in a group in broad daylight, I didn’t feel any more or less safe in one part of Jerusalem than any other. Our guide definitely cautioned us to stay in a group, especially in the Muslim quarter at night, and I definitely would have discouraged even a small group of white girls wandering around in the city at night. But I didn’t somehow feel less safe in the Muslim quarter than in any of the others.

It would be impossible for me to fully communicate the sensation of shopping on the streets of Jerusalem. It was definitely different than America. It was all about haggling, playing a game with the shop proprieters, etc. I turned out to be fairly good at it, actually. The secret is to know what you’re looking for, have a general sense of what it’s actually worth, and know how much you’re willing to pay for it. Then you have to not really care if you get it or not, and keep walking away until the guy begs you to take it for the price you had in mind in the first place. I found counter offers to be less valuable than just continuing to say “no” and start walking away. One guy even put his arm around me, and somewhat forcibly tried to keep me from leaving. I had to peel out of his grip, and keep walking away. Eventually I got the item I was looking at there for $35, when he started out at “$230, but a special price today of $150″. So, that’s like 76% off even the sale price. Rock on! Another guy said to me once, “I’m a nice guy … you take deal,” to which I replied, “I’m not a nice guy, it’s $40 or I walk.” I got the stuff (originally offered at $110) for $42.

By the way, check out the picture above. This is my roommate, Jace, in a shop in the Muslim quarter. Note the guy in the background. He’s got the whole “get your arm around the tourist and don’t let go until he gives you American dollars” maneuver going on. Been there, done that!

Anyway, at the beginning of the trip, I disliked all the game playing. By the end, I was kinda into it actually.

The Pool of Bethesda November 12, 2009

Posted by Jeff Block in Bible Stories, News, Politics and Culture, Philosophy and Religion, Travel.
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Pool of Bethesda

Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie — the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?”

“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked.

This story, from John 5:1-9, took place just outside what was once the Sheep Gate at a place called Bethesda. Today, this is an archeological site in the Muslim quarter of the old city. Once there, we saw that (like many archeological sites), this one consisted of many layers built up over the centuries. The ruins of the original pool and colonnades were a good 30 feet down in a pit that had been dug by archeologists to reveal the past. At one end, we could see the stairs that the paralyzed man in Jesus story could have been sitting on.

In the time of Constantine, a church was built on this site. Then, later, the Muslims built a masque there. Both have distinct architectural styles that our guide pointed out, but I can’t remember the details of either by looking at my pictures. It’s enough to say that these places are hard to envision when we see them buried under layers of other things that other people built there.

This pool is also referred to as the Pool of Bethsaida. One thought I found interesting is that it is believed this might have been a translation error, and that translators of Ancient Greek Biblical manuscripts mistook the name “Bethesda” for name of the town of Bethsaida, where Jesus fed the 5,000 in Matthew 6 – a place to the NE, now in modern-day Jordan.

But the most interesting thing to me about this place is the Biblical story…

A man is laying there on a mat paralyzed for 38 years. Evidently, when the waters of this little pool “were stirred”, the first person who got in the pool was healed of whatever ailed him. What’s up with that!? Did that really happen? Seems a little mystical and bizarre, doesn’t it? Was this perhaps an ancient day version of the same shenanigans people like Benny Hinn have perpetrated in our time? Who knows!

But when Jesus arrived on the seen, He had compassion on this man. Who knows who else was there or what their problems were, but God “will have mercy on whom [He] will have mercy, and [He] will have compassion on whom [He] will have compassion.” (Exodus 30:19 NIV) So, God chose this man, ostensibly not choosing others. And who knows why? All I know is that it’s amazingly wonderful to be chosen by God, as it was for the paralytic at Bethesda.

So, Jesus asks him if he wants to be well. Amazing question. Most people – myself included at times – complain a lot, whine about their circumstances, blame all kinds of people for all kinds of things, but very few do the hard work of changing. I think we like being victims. I think we’d rather wallow in our circumstances and be pitied and get free lunches because we’re downtrodden than to do the hard work of actual change. And I think this has implications in my personal life, in the corporate life of the church, in our country’s pursuit of “social justice”, and all kinds of other areas.

But here, Jesus wants to know (I assume) if the man is sincere. “Are you sure you want to no longer be able to lay here and play the victim? It might seem like your life now is hard, and surely it is, but the new life I have the power to give you is also hard. It’s different-hard. Better, but not free of pain or challenge or obstacles. Even once you can walk, there will still be places you want to go that others will beat you to, etc. Now, do you want to get well?” Obviously, I’m putting words in Jesus mouth here, but they seem like reasonable words, don’t they? … knowing our Father.

The man says “yes”, and Jesus says, “well then get up and walk, and take your mat with you”. This was the Sabbath. Jesus knew that. It was unlawful (in the eyes of men) for the paralytic man to carry his mat on the Sabbath. Jesus knew that too. I love Jesus’ style! He was never all that intimidated by the laws of men. Nor is God intimidated by your laws or the rules of your church/denomination that don’t come from the Bible. God’s actually pretty secure. And He routinely and overtly tramples underfoot man’s attempts to “ascend above the tops of the clouds, and make myself like the Most High” (Isaiah 14:14). And here He does it again.

The Pharisees wigged out. They couldn’t care less that the man could walk. No compassion. No mercy. No rejoicing in his new found life. Imagine the man’s shock when all they cared about was that he was carrying his mat. Talk about raining on his parade. Can you imagine how he must have thought, “Are you kidding? I can *WALK*! Screw the mat!” What else could possibly have mattered to him?

So, for me, the Pool of Bethesda is a reminder of many things…

  • God has a new, better life to offer us.
  • God desires this for everyone, but not everyone will be chosen to receive it. Harsh but true.
  • We have to want it, and be willing to reach out for it. This will always mean leaving something behind in which we are tempted to place false value
  • The world around us is always focused on the wrong things. They will always think they know better for us than God. Forget the mat! Focus on Jesus.
  • The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. (Mark 2:27)
  • When Jesus gives you a new life, make sure you remember that it was God’s doing and that others around you need to hear what God has done for you.

Hopefully I will take these things away from this place, not just pictures of a few layers of history.

Overpriced Olive Wood November 10, 2009

Posted by Jeff Block in Business, Funny, News, Politics and Culture, Travel.
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Overpriced Olive Wood

Both leading up to the trip and once I got there, I heard a lot about the rules of shopping in Israel.

  • Rule #1: Always haggle. If you buy the thing you’re looking at for sticker price, they’ll think you’re a rich, naive American.
  • Rule #2: Be prepared to be inundated. If you are on the street for more than 3 minutes, and nobody offers you something for $2, then you might be a leper.
  • Rule #3: Don’t eat fruit sold by street vendors, especially if unpeeled. Parasites abound; you don’t want none of that.
  • Rule #4: Don’t use your credit card at just any shop. If you haven’t been told a shop is reputable by someone you trust, then they will likely add zeros to the purchase amount when running your card through.
  • Rule #5: Goats are a legitimate trading currency. ‘Nuff said.

There are probably more important rules, but I want to jump straight to one that was near and dear to my heart as we ascended the mountains into Jerusalem…

  • Rule #N: Don’t buy the overpriced olive wood.

I could have easily entitled this entry, “Shopping at Kickback Village”. Here’s how it went…

By the time we got to Jerusalem, I’d already ignored dozens of offers for bags, hats, scarves, bookmarks, maps, and other “4 for $10″ specials. Many times, the peddlers were waiting for our bus when it stopped somewhere, and I’ve no doubt that the tour guides and drivers were all in the cabal that brought them to the dozens of tourists confined on the large tour bus. They were easy to rebuff.

But on the way up to Jerusalem, our tour guide gets on the mic, and goes into great detail telling us all about the trustworthiness and the amazing prices we’re going to encounter at this shop he’s taking us to. Of course, this was a reputable shop. You can use your credit card here. Prices are even in US dollars. You can trust these folks. Run by a good Christian guy.

So, the bus pulls up to the front of this shop in random quarter of Jerusalem somewhere. We could have been in Syria, and I wouldn’t have known it.

Sitting and standing outside the door on the sidewalk are literally a dozen people – ostensibly people working the shop – waiting for us. Before we’re even off the bus, they’re trying to sell us bags, hats, and the like. We get into the shop, and there is the most beautiful olive wood carvings I’d ever seen (okay, don’t see much in the way of olive wood carvings, but you get the idea). A huge carving of the Last Supper immediately caught my eye. It had to have been 3.5 foot long by 2 foot wide, with the figures standing 4-5″ tall (okay, speculation! everyone knows the guys were reclining at the Last Supper).

Olive Last Supper

Another huge nativity scene was pretty cool too; I have a thing for nativity scenes. Anyway, the walls were lined with jewelry and touristy trinkets. I thought I’d finally be able to get a souvenir or two … until I saw the prices.

But before I could start manhandling things, the owner of the shop was introduced by our tour guide. If there’s an Israeli mafia, this guy was in it. Every Greek mafia stereotype you can possibly conceive of was embodied in this man. I wanted to take a picture, but I also wanted to keep my camera (and my fingers). So, none of that.

He introduced himself, told us he followed Jesus, and then proudly described his shop and how high the quality of the “art and artifacts” were. By the time he was done, I realized I had involuntarily removed my credit card from my wallet, and had the overwhelming urge to start swiping. So, when he stopped talking, I started browsing. I knew I’d never be able to afford the huge pieces, so I started with the smaller status you see above in lead image for this blog entry. They were about 8″ tall and beautiful, so I figured I had a shot at a really nice souvenir of the trip. I saw one of Jesus holding little children – you know, “Let the children come to me…” from Matthew 19 – and I thought that’d be perfect. It’s hard to remember, since my recall is clouded by the memory of what happened next, but I think in my mind I was expecting the figure to be priced ridiculously high at like $500 and I’d have to talk the guy down to maybe more like $200. I remember emotionally psyching myself up for the challenge of talking him down way below the 50% haggle threshold. I looked at the piece, walked away, came back, ask a question about it – did all the things you’re supposed to do to throw off the “I’m interested, but not *that* interested” vibe. When I was finally ready to start negotiations, I picked it up and flipped it over to find the price tag.

Now, Israel uses the “New Israeli Shekel” or NIS. The conversion from USD to NIS when I was there was 1:3.7. So, a $100 item would be 370 NIS. So, I was expecting to see a price tag of maybe 1800 NIS. My eyes focused. The price was 2500. I gasp. “2500 shekels!?” I muttered aloud uncontrollably, disturbed both that I was off by almost $200 and that it was going to be way harder to talk them down from their ridiculous $675 to $200ish than from $500.

The guy standing their corrected me, “All prices are in American dollars, sir.”

I just looked at him and set it down.

Seriously? $2,500 for a chuck of wood. Are you kidding me?! I don’t care if de Vinci himself carved this thing, there is no way I’m paying $2,500 or even $1,000 dollars … or even $300 … for an olive wood statue, even if it is of Jesus.

I bought absolutely nothing that day. After the original shock wore off, I spent the rest of our considerable time there mocking the price tags. I went from item to item marveling at the prices: $8,000 for this olive wood thing, $700 for this necklace, $30 for this crucifix, and it just kept going. People were lined up to buy though, with trays full of stuff. The other buses showed up too. And then I noticed that there had to have been 20 people working there that night. I’m sure their whole business was tours and tour guides. They had it down to a science.

On the way out, we were accosted again by street vendors. It got pretty funny though, when one of my bus mates starting hocking wares for them on the bus. I shot some video, which is okay, but the really funny stuff happened before I got the camera turned on. For me, it was free entertainment, much to the shigrin of our highly-capitalist hosts.

Coming soon: Links to the video on Facebook.

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